He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
