I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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