So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
