We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
