By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
