ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
