So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize