new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
