i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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