Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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