This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
