We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
