he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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