i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
