i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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