I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
