I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
