it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
