You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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