This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
