I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
