Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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