So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize