Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
