i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
