You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
