I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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