i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
