you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she smelled like a LAN party
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
