11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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