The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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