I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i think my tv is drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.