I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on