New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?