then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.