her vagine was all disorganized.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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