yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.