"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.