Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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