God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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