We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
