she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
