Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
