This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
