Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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