Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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