If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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