She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
