Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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