I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
