White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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