At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
