I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
