carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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