the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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