apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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