Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
