you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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