That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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