do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
