I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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