An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
