I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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