I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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