Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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