you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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