So drunk its hurt
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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