he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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