You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
