I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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