I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
