So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
