Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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