Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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