he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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