6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
