People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
