Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I will die if light touches me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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