So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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