You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
