My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
